Blogzilla Quarterly?

With only four blog posts this year, you might think I had died and gone to blog heaven, otherwise known as the real world. However, there have been some notable events happening behind the scenes...

• Butterick finally gave in and changed the name of their magazine to Sewing Today


• Fitness World finally gave in and ended their multi-year grand opening, and the sign is now down


• Tyra Banks finally gave in and hired some graphic designers to give her latest season of America's Next Top Model the best-looking Tyra Mail yet, kerning and all


• Sean Hosein finally gave in and posted his own comment that both clears up the controversy and adds to the intrigue of the Cove Cliff Song


• The viewing public finally gave in and our fun little turkey video is only 250 views away from reaching 1000 on YouTube


• I finally gave in and started a separate blog that actually gets updated
  

I readily admit that while these exciting events have been happening, I have been completely tardy with fresh content, but you'll be happy to know thst I have been actively updating my new links blog, Nick's Quick Picks, for the whole year. It's basically a place for me to post links to other people's stuff that I find funny, interesting or otherwise noteworthy. This way, I don't have to constantly ask my friends if they have seen the latest internet sensation, I can just ask if they have seen the blog. If you already read the same things I do, it might not all be new for you, but if you're somehow starving for the latest poop from Nick, it's still a good read.

So thanks for sticking with me while I concentrate on more important things this year, such as my wife and son. While I do have some new things on the back-burner waiting to be published, I can't really promise things are going to become more regular: I am happy to announce that we have another one on the way and he is due in March.

Just in time for me to write my bi-annual blog post...

Happy New Year, everyone!

Halloween 2007: Attack of the Clones

This year for Halloween, five of us at work dressed up as clones of our boss. Partly because we know him so well, and partly because he's so predictable, we were able to almost completely match his outfit without him even knowing what we were planning.

This is his reaction upon seeing us for the first time.

Sex, Drugs and Kid-Friendly™ Rock 'n' Roll

It's hard to explain my fascination with these albums, but every time a new Kidz Bop Kids CD comes out I am right on iTunes and listening in both horror and fascination. You see, someone in the record industry thinks that kids only like to listen to other kids singing songs, or perhaps that parents don't like their kids listening to real music unless it is purified by the voices of under-10-year olds. Either way, they get innocent children to cover today's biggest hits without any concern for appropriateness and with a seemingly blatant disregard for irony. At the very best it's hilarious and at the very worst it's still hilarious.

For a limited time, you can listen to the full length Kidz Bop 12 over at AOL's Free CD Listening Party, or you can cringe along with the previews at the iTunes Music Store in both Canada and the USA.

On this particular album, keep an ear out for the kidz hey-heying over the questionable lyrics of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend", imagine a kidz-only music video for Justin Timberlake's "What Goes Around...Comes Around", hope that the kidz are literally singing about an "Umbrella" by Rihanna, and marvel at the kidz's grizzled, world-weary performance of Chris Daughtry's "It's Not Over".

While you're there, make sure to check out their extensive back catalogue of one-hit-wonders, awkward hip-hop, squeeky-clean indie rock, songs by bands and artists you once respected, and innumerable lyrics that no child should be forced to sing, or, for that matter, listen to.

Butting Out

It's a year later and the buttstorm has finally come to a bitter end.



One year ago, the original post ignited controversy and most assuredly sent a flurry of memos directly to the higher-ups at the McCall Pattern Company.

In an apparent act of rebuttal, they then changed their masthead to avoid further conflict. Instead, they enacted some sort of strict policy where models had to be either photographed off-centre with lots of awkward white space or leaning forward to make way for the looming logo. Either way, it only lasted for two issues.

Now, with the design possibilities being pushed to their limits, and the increasing pressure of the media, it seems their only recourse was to banish the once proud name of their founder, Ebenezer Butterick, to a place in the subheading and settle on the new, obvious, and much less comical, Sewing Today.

No ifs, ands or butts.

The End of the Roll

As it has been a year since I started this blog, and almost as long since I last posted something, I thought I should end 2006 with something profound, meaningful and hopefully, a little inspiring.



Look what I found! It's a toilet paper holder with a radio built in! To me, nothing says good times like the fuzzy sound of the 'ol AM radio while you wipe your bum.

Special thanks to my wife's grandmother for keeping this inspiring relic up on the wall in her guest bathroom.

Happy New Year everybody!

What a Turkey

Here's a little something for our American friends. It's been a couple of years since we made it, but thanks to people searching for "Thanksgiving" and "Turkey" and the word "Gobble", it's now blowing up on YouTube.



UPDATE: To cash in on the phenomenon, Graham has posted his sequel to the video here. Keep an eye out for the "L.A." KFC, where they appear to feature the very Canadian "Toonie Tuesdays".

The Monkey That Stole The Show

One of the best things about being a Dad is getting to legitimately continue Trick-Or-Treating, especially with such an agreeable and excited sidekick. However, after all the admirers and cameras we experienced today, it became readily apparent that Curious George is the star and the man with the yellow hat is merely the accessory. Not that I have any hard feelings about being his prop, because in the end, I get to eat all his candy. Happy Halloween!

Poop Face

Did you know that, scientifically speaking, birds pee and poo at the same time? I do. That's because I got to study it in intimate detail all the way home from work.



That's right, driving along on the Vespa this crisp autumnal afternoon when SMACK, it hit me right between the eyes. If there was ever a winning argument for wearing a full-face helmet, this is it.

Also, the trajectory was so steep and the impact so great that it ricocheted on to my pants. Hey bird, maybe you want to slow down on the berries...

When Good Slogans Go Bad

When my son goes to sleep, my wife and I will sometimes turn on the closed captioning on the TV so we can keep the volume low but still follow any hushed dialogue.

Last night we were watching the season premiere of ER, and at the end of a particularly intense show, we got treated to an advertisement, a not-so-uncommon feature of captioned shows. However, the slogan displayed was disturbingly descriptive of the plot. Needless to say, if you haven't watched the episode yet, spoilers ahead.



"Every day, someone somewhere makes a bold move. There's a car company like that."

Yikes. Thanks very much for the sponsorship Ford, but accompanied by those images, I'm sure that's not quite the image you want to portray of your company.

"Every day, someone somewhere shoots their neglecting, abusive, murdering, kidnapping, escaped convict, ex-husband when he's in a drunken sleep. There's a car company like that."

( gunshots )